Saturday, November 14, 2009

Criminal Justice

Image Manipulation by Rob Thomas

As is often the way on a lazy Saturday, I found myself cradling yet another tepid coffee and watching News 24 performing it's never-ending ludicrous loop of abject absurdity.

A great deal of broadcast minutes today were occupied by the story of how many communities are clubbing together and purchasing the services of private security companies to patrol their streets.

Of course, the question being asked, by the BBC if nobody else - was 'Is There A Role For the Private Sector in Policing?'

Now, this might seem a big question. So I thought I'd help out.

The primary focus seemed to be that these rent-a bobbies have no 'powers'. The media always refer to it as 'powers' like they're superheroes or something. I assume what they mean is 'authority'.

Now, today's streets are, often almost exclusively, patrolled by 'Community Officers' of which there are undoubtedly some excellent examples out there (There are, I've met some of them).

However, these community officers also have no 'powers'. Do they?

Well they do actually, they have the same 'powers' as you and I.

Did you know that if you know a crime has been committed, and you have reasonable cause to suspect someone of that crime, you have a 'power' of arrest?

So, if some arse is in your front garden, nicking your kids bike, or if some yob is spray painting the wall of your local train station, etc etc etc, then you, or anyone else, can arrest them. Including a private security guard.

I wouldn't necessarily suggest that everyone does leap in and try to arrest an offender. However, I also know that the time honored process of phoning the police can be either a waste of time at that moment (They'll not turn up, turn up late or do virtually nothing when they do arrive), or it can be a bigger wast of time later. (They'll fail to charge the person after keeping you at the station making statements for longer than the offender, they'll do a deal with the offender to clear up some other crime (Oh yes they do, I've been there when it happened) or they'll 'caution' them. The old wrist slap. Then, of course, if it does go further, the Crown Prosecution Service or the judiciary will arse it up in a quite spectacular fashion. There are many stages to justice in the British system, and at every one of those stages the process can and does get arsed up to varying degrees.

So, is there a role for the private sector in policing?' Well, that's up to you.

In case it helps, I'll just give you an example of our state provided criminal justice system at its best:

A woman convicted of murder has gone on the run during an escorted visit to the shops in south London. (That's her at the top of this article)

Patricia Gillette, 41, from Streatham, south London, was detained indefinitely in 2007 for killing Mark Murphy, 38, at his home in Streatham in August 2006.

Gillette, who was being held at Bethlem Royal Hospital, was on a visit to shops in West Wickham High Street, Bromley, when she escaped on Friday afternoon.

Police described her as "dangerous" and warned people not to approach her.

Det Supt Gary Gornell said: "This individual is dangerous and we need to apprehend her as soon as possible. If anyone sees her, please don't approach her, but call police immediately."

Gillette is of large build, has moles under both eyes, a scar on the left side of her neck and another scar on her left ear, police said.

She was last seen wearing a red hooded coat, a blue jeans shirt, black jogging bottoms and black shoes.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8360380.stm



A Convicted murderer who escaped WHILST OUT AT A VISIT TO THE SHOPS

THAT'S our criminal justice system in action


And that HAS to win this weeks prize for a panic button IT'S TOO BLOODY LATE TO PRESS!


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Sunday, November 01, 2009

Don't go up against Gordon...


Image Created by Rob Thomas

"Well, if you ALL disagree with me,
I'll have to fire the whole lot of you."

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Monday, October 26, 2009

Career Advice for Seven-Year-Olds - A Long Way From Infinity and Beyond

Image created by Rob Thomas

"Well little Tommy, if you want to go around with your head in the clouds, how about a career as a politician?"

"Please Sir, that's not flying. That's just falling without style!"


Children as young as seven are to be offered careers guidance under a government scheme in England. (Original Story: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8322627.stm)

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Friday, October 09, 2009

To Master Chef - and Beyond!


Image manipulations by Rob Thomas

On a rather more frivolous note, I've been watching the BBC's 'Masterchef - The Professionals'.

Has anyone noticed how much Gregg Wallace looks like Buzz Lightyear?!



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Monday, September 28, 2009

I watched the News Today, Oh Boy...

Marr & Sian - An Item?
Image manipulation by Rob Thomas

Hey! I could be a BBC news Reporter! It's easy, all you have to do is read the crappy British press or listen to politically prejudiced and obviously conniving Tory tittle tattle, then churn it all out again as your 'interview', calling it 'justified and responsible journalism'.

That's right, that's how you become a real, quality journalist. I learned all that from Andrew Marr and Sian Williams at this funfair I saw them at. Honest I did. I think they may be 'an item'. Well, that's what I heard, so it's got to be a viable prospect, eh?

Thank God we've still got the good old BBC to look at the misleading crap in the Tory rags, then just read that out live on air and call it journalism, or to interview the Prime Minister and essentially ask the man, 'hey, are you on drugs, Gordon? Go on, you can tell me, are you popping pills because the economic crisis is all too much for your funny little one eyed head to cope with?'
Yep, thank GOD for the BBC and its responsible journalism.

Can't wait for tomorrow and 'Newsnight with Jordan'. Now THAT's cutting edge.



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Monday, September 14, 2009

Product Placement

Digital Image Manipulation by Rob Thomas

The Unpleasant face of (overt) product placement has finally arrived for UK viewers.

Is this is how it will be for ITN, in future?




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Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The Future of Mankind


The implications for the future of mankind are uncertain.
All I know is, I'm going to need a bigger pair of trousers.


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Saturday, August 29, 2009

More Than I Can Chew


Announcing (finally) the launch of
More Than I Can Chew

Available to purchase by clicking on the
ad to the right of this screen >>>>>

Monday, August 24, 2009

Minister Stands By Bomber

Headlines that are more accurate with the removal of one word.
Number one in an occasional series:

Minister stands by bomber
Original News Report:

Col. Gadaffi suggests just one more Uzi, as Kenny MacAskill puts together Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi's party bag.

The Scottish justice secretary (and yes, that IS justice with a small 'j') has said he stands by his decision to free the Lockerbie bomber, telling MSPs that he will "live with the consequences".

Mr MacAskill, I can think of 270 people who would have liked to have the luxury of doing just that.


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Saturday, August 22, 2009

It Make's Me Proud to be British


It's good to see Our Country leading the way in the world again.

Here we see Mr Al-Megrahi, The United Kingdom's ambassador for British Gullibility, forging links with more of our important future trading partners. You know, for when the oil we're taking from Iraq runs out and we need to get it from someone who HAS got weapon's of mass destruction.

On the table we can see the gift that the British Government presented to Mr Gaddafi - 200 Malboro red.





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Thursday, August 20, 2009

A level playing field



"Yay!! I passed all my A level exams!

-Now I can go 2 university and maybe get teached the other 22 letters of the alferbett!"




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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Duncan Donuts

Image Manipulation by Rob Thomas

Some quotes from Alan Duncan, Conservative MP and shadow leader of the house of commons (Which means he has a level of responsibility in the decision making process for parliamentary reforms of MPs expenses claims.)

MPs, he says, "Have to Live on rations."

And the role of an MP? "Basically it has been nationalised. You have to live on rations and are treated like shit.", says Mr Dunkin - sorry, Duncan.

The Rutland and Melton MP says: "I spend my money on my garden and claim a tiny fraction based on what is proper and I could claim the whole bloody lot, but I don't."

I could spend a whole heap of time and several paragraphs explaining to Mr Duncan why he's wrong, for example it wasn't HIS money he was spending, it was OURS, but all you need to see from this is that Duncan is a perfect example of what the Conservative party stand for. They say all the things that they think you want to hear, to win votes, to take control, but behind closed doors, they have nothing but contempt for the ordinary people of this country.

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Rickety Ramshackle - Rob Thomas

Rob Thomas is a freelance writer, originally from Leicestershire, now living in the Welsh Coastal town of Aberystwyth.

He has a wife, three daughters and two grandchildren and, allegedly, can occasionally be found relaxing.

He has worked within the Civil Service, Police Force, as a College Lecturer, a bookshop owner and Performance Poet. None of these things satiated his life-long addiction to writing.

Rob is presently pitching his latest novel, the crime thriller - 'All That Glistens' - out into the netherworld that is publishing.

Rob has a First Class Honours Degree in Cultural Studies, a Chief Constable's Commendation and a bad back, only one of which seems to be of any great use to him. He gets to sit down quite a bit.

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